“Poop or Fart?” and other unsettling mysteries

Warning: I talk about both poops and farts.

Before my run yesterday I was thinking about how I’d probably have nothing to blog about for awhile. At least until I ran another race or something. I thought “Gee, this is just going to be a boring training run!”.

Boy, was I wrong.

About a mile into my run I really had to poop. My stomach was sloshing in an uncomfortable way (stupid goddamn better with cheddar hot dogs..) and I had a pressure in my gut that I knew could only be released by letting out a good long fart. However, letting out a fart at this point was far too risky.

I had no way of knowing if it would be just a fart.

So I ran like this. For three miles. Deeply concerned that I would not make it home without a tragedy. You’d think after running so much recently I’d be able to make it four miles without worrying about crapping myself. But no. I wasn’t afforded that luxury.

Every time I crossed paths with other people I thought “they know! They know I am a running (waddling) time bomb! oh, god, please let me make it home”.

And I did. Barely. It got dicey in the end, but I never stopped running until I got to the bathroom in my apartment (I was afraid if I slowed to walk it would all be over).

Crisis averted.

I’ve heard several people on podcasts lately tell stories about pooping themselves. It makes me feel better. I know It won’t be fun when I eventually do poop myself (Because, let’s face it, it’s inevitable in my lifetime), but as I’m pooping in my own pants I’ll just think “Hey, Even Dan Harmon has pooped himself”.

So at least there’s that.

Here are a few other running tidbits where I don’t talk about poop:

– I’ve signed up for my fall half marathon! I’m going to run the Wicked Half Marathon in Salem on September 22nd. It fits in perfectly to my marathon training schedule! I’m really excited to run a race that’s fairly close to home and in cooler weather!

– I got a Motoactv because I love gadgets, and it was 100 dollars off at best buy. So I couldn’t resist. I’ve only used it once so far, but it’s really nifty (so nice to run without my phone!). However it did start playing songs that I’ve never heard before?! How did it do that?! A quick look at the instruction manual would probably solve that mystery for me..

– Silas is going to giving me a pre and post run sports massage when I do my long run this weekend. This makes me very excited to do said long run. Silas is the best.

Speaking of running crap. I better get a run in before rehearsal. Here’s hoping I put off pooping myself one more day.

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