Looking Like an Idiot: It’s a Good Thing

I’ve been feeling like a I can handle any goddamn thing these past couple of days.

Give a tour? You better fucking believe I’ll history the shit out of the tour.

Audition? YEAH. Let me read for parts that aren’t even close to my type, I don’t care! I’ll have a BLAST.

Run 22 miles? YEAH.

It all started with a perfect fall day on Sunday. In the morning Joe and I took Maestro to the beach for some quality fetch time. My dog loves fetch more than anything in the world. Except for food. Food is probably the only thing he will ever choose over fetch. I think his desires go 1)food 2)ball 3)swimming 4)gleefully tossing a bone into the air (after having guarded said bone for hours like a dragon guarding jewels). Joe and I are not on this list. Maestro only sees us as a means to an end. That’s okay. We make him snuggle with us anyway (he hates it).


After the beach Joe went to work and I prepared for my doozy of a long run. I was so eager to get out there. The day was just so very perfect. And you know what was cool? It was a lot more doable than last time! During my 20 mile run I was genuinely shuffling by the end. I was kind of laugh/crying and thinking “What kind of maniac does this sort of thing?!”. This time I was definitely hurting by mile 20, but I was still grooving. Of course it was hard! But I was doing a lot better than a shuffle. And hitting 22 miles was a huge mental boost.

Oh, you know, just running by a random castle (this was just the servant’s quarters or some shit, the castle was on the hill)

I did TERRIFY myself at one point. I didn’t lift my foot high enough once and I BASHED the top of my foot on the curb. Yup, I’m one smart cookie! I was too scared to stop so I just kept going. It stung and felt wonky, but I just kept running, and within a few minutes I felt fine. I had this moment of panic where I thought “oh god, I’ve crushed my goddamn foot 3 weeks before my first marathon. GREAT GOING, KID”. Then right after that I tripped. For no reason. I don’t even know what I tripped on or what happened, but I lost my footing and almost face planted. Aren’t I a graceful beast?! Thankfully, neither of these things ended in tragedy.

Finally found some trails to run on! Only there for about two miles or so, but the elevation/nature crap was exciting!

I didn’t do my best fueling this run. I had GUs at Mile 5 and 11. After that I didn’t really feel like taking any more. I did stop at a Seven Eleven to grab a gatorade (Note to self: Strawberry Gatorade is delicious!!) at Mile 17 to refill my handheld. At mile 9 I found those trails I tried to get to last long run! It was beautiful, but STEEP. I’ve done some mild, rolling hills in races before, but never anything like this! I ran up the trails for about a mile or so and took a break at the top (where I had a GU) before zooming back down. Holy shit. I have NEVER run down a hill that steep before. I was actually laughing and thinking “zooooooooom!” in my head as I did it!

Hello giant hill smack dab in the middle of my run!

My favorite part about long runs is at the end when it feels like those past few hours just flew by! I had never actually run for more than 3 hours before Sunday. I couldn’t believe it. It’s so incredible to me that our body’s can do things like this. And I do truly believe ANYBODY could run this distance…it’s just a matter of wanting to! and putting in the work! Yes. It’s hard, but god…it’s so worth it.

I also bounced back way more quickly from this run! When I ran 20 the next day I felt like somebody had beat the crap out of me. I was lethargic. Sore. Lazy. It really felt like a run hangover. Then I got a stupid cold!

This Monday? Not so. I was a little bit sore, but nothing horrible (I wasn’t, y’know, groaning like a monster every time I had to go up stairs). I also wasn’t fatigued! So I basically crushed my Monday. Gave a tour to an adorable, sweet old couple (they live out of an RV and travel around the country) then went to a callback. I had an awesome time. I really don’t think I’ll get cast (I don’t think I’m right for the parts), but the script was so silly/fun and I just went with it! It’s a great feeling to just have fun and not be panicky about getting cast. Obviously I’d be delighted to be in the show, but, hey, whatever happens happens! I also got to hang out with a lot of people I adore. So that’s a plus!

Yesterday I went to yoga and I had this realization about how far I’ve come. Guys, I’m straight up BAD at yoga. I know, I know that’s not a very yoga-ish way of looking at things (hence why I’m BAD!), but it’s true. I know there’s not a “right” or “wrong” way to do yoga. However, I’m not bendy. I’m not calm. I’m not flexible. I’m not zen. I’m a Grade A spastic goofball who can barely touch her toes. So, uh, yoga is a struggle for me to say the least. But last night I just had a really good time! It put me in a good place and I felt like I made HUGE progress with some of my poses! Doing things I’ve never, ever been able to do before. It confirmed for me that doing the teacher training is the right thing because it WILL be a challenge. I’m not just going to naturally be good at it, but it’s going to push me against myself and my comfort zone and I WILL make progress step by step.

And I mean. That’s the story of my life, really. I’ m not naturally good at much. Everything I’ve gotten decent or good at has come from working on it, but being this way has given me one very valuable skill. And that’s not to being scared of looking like an idiot!! I don’t mind being bad at things because I know that being bad at things over and over only leads to getting better at that thing. I may never be a pro at that thing, but at least I’ll get better. And that’s pretty exciting to me. I went from barely being able to run 1/4 of a mile to 22 miles. How cool is that?! And like I said, ANYBODY could do that if they wanted to, and that’s the beauty of it! You just have to want it. And you just have to try.

Running is the only thing I’ve ever really stuck with for this long (other than acting, I suppose!). I like trying new things and I like throwing myself full force into those things for a little while. But then I usually move on to the next thing. Sometimes I come back to it. Sometimes not. But running? It works for me and I’m so happy that I love it so much. I’m an antsy person. I like to be on the move. I love to travel. Running is the cheapest, easiest way to fulfill that part of me! It’s traveling with my feet whenever I goddamn please. And having that kind of control is great.

Yup. So there’s all that. There is ONE other thing I love about running. And that’s getting to be a lazy asshole after a hard workout! I ran 8 miles today and now I’m ready to veg out and play some video games 😉



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2 Responses to Looking Like an Idiot: It’s a Good Thing

  1. LOVE the mentality of ‘heck yea i can do it!’ way to kick butt on that long run, gosh, u have to love those ones where the time just flies by! but u poor thing, i’m so sorry u had a bit of a cait moment (klutzy) but i’m so glad u didn’t get any injuries! 🙂

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