Hear ye! Hear ye! Slackers unite! I am here to tell you that it is possible to suck at crafts, but still be able to make stuff. I know. Seems crazy, but sometimes my love of doing something new overrides my lack of interest in details of any kind! Hence, SLACKER CRAFTS!
Or maybe I’ve just been watching too much HGTV and now I’m having delusions of grandeur.
Either way, my darling friend Emma thought it would be cool if I had a medal rack of some kind. She’s smart, correct, and beautiful so why wouldn’t I listen to her? At first I thought “I will buy one just like the lazy asshole I am”, but alas, it turns out (in this case) I was cheaper than I was lazy. Plus I still have ALL of my bibs.
I loosely followed the amazing instructions on this blog. She did an amazing job! She, like, measured things and shit. Me? I went rogue. As is my wont.
I started with a harrowing trip to Home Depot. I could not find a single thing that I needed because I’m either a) blind b) stupid or c) both. I flagged down many an employee to ask frantically “where, o, where sir is the modge podge?!” (Spoiler: not in home depot, dumbass). Eventually I found myself surrounded by wood (lololol), and just grabbed a square of what appeared to be some, uh, nice wood? I handed it timourously (re-learned that word from Vagrant Story!) to the wood cutting gentleman and he asked how much and I was like “uhhhhhhhhhh” and he sighed and shook his head with deep embarassment on my behalf before cutting my “good wood” in thirds. Thanks, guy!
So now I had wood (still lol)! After much wandering and questioning I eventually found little hooks and self-leveling hangers. Things were looking up! Progress was being MADE!
I know y’all are really worried about my modge podge situation so DON’T WORRY. I found it at Target by myself! No help needed! Growth! Just 45 minutes into this shopping endeavor!
Guys. I was ready to CRAFT.
So here’s what I did.
1) I did not have newspaper or magazines just lying around like most normal humans do, but I DO have a metric fuck ton worth of plastic bags (sorry, environment) so that was what I used to put my wood (HAHA!) on. Slacker tip: use whatever is available!screw the rules! Go your own way!
2) I took all the safety pins out of my bibs because I NEVER DID THAT?! Why did I just leave them?! What is wrong with me?! I was wounded during this mind numbing task and resorted to just ripping them off the bib like a savage beast. So now I have a bunch of safety pins with a tiny bit of paper stuck in them. I’m great.
3) I recklessly spread the bibs about. The first layer of bibs were the dumb boring generic bibs. I modge podged them like nobody’s ever modge podged before. I waiting 20 mins. Modge podged the less shitty bibs. Another 20 mins (SNORE). I actually placed the top layer of bibs in a way that was pleasing to me. Then you guessed it: MODGE PODGE!!!
4) hot glued the edges down. Yeah, folks, I bought a hot glue gun. LIKE A BOSS.
5) let that sucker sit overnight because, let’s face it, I was worn out from all the modge podging and slacker queen needed her beauty sleep.
6) good morning!! Time to make tiny holes. Smash smash! No, I actually measured things this time (sort of) and put little dots two inches apart from one another so I’d know where to hammer my nails.Note: the lady I got this from used a drill bit. Too broke for that shit! Although I do not doubt my drill prowess as I had to use one of those bad boys to build a set almost EVERY DAY in September.
I did not measure from dot to bottom of the board, though, because I’m laaaazzzyyyy. So my little holes were not in perfect lines. Did I care? No! Adds character amiright?!
7) Screwed in those little gold hooks with pliers. Boooyah.
8) hammered on the picture hangers, but didn’t even come close to doing it evenly. But guess what?! Auto leveling bitches!!! It looked fine.
And TA-DA! We’ve got outselves a bonafide SLACKER CRAFT!
Friends, if I can make shit with tools, you can TOO. Next up on slacker crafts? Trying to use a stud finder!! And the answer to the age old question: why is there crazy glue under my finger nails?!
P.S here’s a pretty photo from my run today. Boston is the shit.